i try to gather a lot from my head today, and none would just be good enough. there are thoughts of mild romantic desperations, and i know i will find some beauty in it, but i cannot. i cannot jump off the precipice of sadness anymore. i know i would only embrace dark sorrows again, and i want to stay happy this time around. my withdrawals from you are, by far, the most difficult. black holes surround me again, without a hint of ever leaving, except, perhaps, when you’re around. you drive them away. i had told myself before, i would then just fill pages while you are still away, wandering perhaps, looking for your high.
and i, again, will go through the half beauties of this world, trying to convince myself that there are still things above you. and i would not fail to disappoint myself, because i know, everything is better with you.
i guess it’s my constant delusion. that things would just get back to how they once were, that you wouldn’t have any evident effects on me, whatsoever. and i am wrong. i am not the same after your leavings.
so my stories might be alcoholic romances. euphemisms here and there about dark things. a best friend and i have decided on a best moment–beer and dark chocolate. bittersweet. and perhaps we liked the same song. perhaps we feel too similar to agree on a deviance. or perhaps we just like each other’s company enough to agree to agree.
he told the worst jokes. she couldn’t laugh, but everybody else already were . . . gggrrrr. i then took it to myself. I had to find my own amusement. I just wasn’t in on his joke. that’s the thing. I often space out. some stories just build up in time before they erupt into laughter. surprisingly, the melancholy instead in me seemed, to them, indiscernible. then i giggle, as though the sound delay of a laughter from me does not matter. they understood my misunderstanding. i wasn’t listening.
from a movie, the line she currently had in mind was a female character asking the male lead a rhetorical question. along the lines of him not used to being around people anymore. he had antisocial behaviors. he preferred some things over other people. like say, a choice between watching a movie or having company is not a difficult question. of course, it would depend on the movie. you think, what movie could take your mind off things?
mmmmmnn. i then smile some. i could always continue to write that book as my perspective is somehow different now. see, i can find amusement in that. my life having been on trippy distances lately, i have to say, cliched as this would go, I’ve gathered a thing or two. like, here, i have words from which you could gather preceding instances of memories. a friend did say, in the end, good things would find us–especially, the good things we did.
and yes, the bad ones haunt as well. and especially when you say bad, you mean good. heheh. and it continues. the cat-and-mouse of guilt and love.
hahah!ü gilok sa utok . . . ü ingon ana ang weedü hehehü chillax gihaponü good day, mga wanderersü
No comments:
Post a Comment